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 And Hereby Vow to Banish From my Life Forever:

1.  Paying attention to fashion.  
     Seriously, why do I bother?  It doesn't fit me, I can't afford it, I have nowhere to wear it, and spending major cash on something so fleeting as clothing offends my basic belief that storing up treasures on Earth is incredibly selfish and pointless.  

2. Feeling beset upon because my stuff isn't as nice as other people's stuff
     If I had nice stuff, I'd just have to expend energy protecting it, caring for it, worrying that other people might steal it, and eventually it would sink into my rapidly growing pile of Stuff I Wanted Two Years Ago that Is Now A Millstone Around My Neck.

3. Worrying about getting a job right now
    Watching the girls hang out on Christmas vacation, they still require a lot of supervision.  If I were offered a job tomorrow I couldn't accept it.  Why am I borrowing trouble from the future?  Next fall will come soon enough.

4. Wishing I had a different body
     Seriously, I've had it this long and am still ambiguous about its general shape.  Why do I still do this?  It's Stupid Beyond All Reckoning.  It doesn't change despite all the crazy things I've done to it.  The best I can do at this point is to try and preserve it for future use.  

5. Feeling vaguely sheepish about the fact that raising kids is all I do.
    It's a bitch of a job.  There's nothing left of me after I'm done with that every day.  Why do I feel like I should be doing something else on top of that?  Why do I let other people suggest to me that I could be doing other things with my non-existent free time?  

Okay so there, non-stop tape loop of feeling sorry for myself and beset-upon on all sides.  I banish these five major subjects of contention from the list of things that Keep Coming Up Because my Brain Won't Shut the Hell Up.  I purge the Google Reader of all links to fashion pages and diet help and design journals and lists of things to buy.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 21st, 2009 09:26 pm (UTC)
this whole post is genius. i should write letters to myself like this on a regular basis. i could include 2. and 4. verbatim. thank you.
Dec. 21st, 2009 09:53 pm (UTC)
I purge the Google Reader of all links to fashion pages and diet help and design journals and lists of things to buy.

something i used to enjoy doing was buying the sunday new york times and spending the day lazily perusing it. i stopped a few years ago when i noticed that i inevitably felt worse about myself and my general station in life afterwards and finally realized, oh right! that's the whole agenda of consumerism, to make my blessings seem inadequate! well, fuck you new york times. and more generally, fuck you anybody trying to sell me anything, for any reason, ever. i'm not buying anymore.
Dec. 22nd, 2009 10:08 pm (UTC)
Srsly! I hadn't even thought of the NYT as being another example of an envy delivery system. Dammit! I thought I had a pretty good immunity to consumerism built up but it's like high fructose corn syrup--pervasive and irresistible and causes a near-limitless appetite for more.

I think I need a hoodie that says "fuck you anybody trying to sell me anything, for any reason, ever."
Dec. 23rd, 2009 02:36 am (UTC)
oh, you should totally check out my online store then, fuckconsumerism.com. I've got those hoodies in black or pink, your choice, only fifty bucks! ;-)
Dec. 22nd, 2009 10:18 pm (UTC)
Dec. 27th, 2009 12:23 am (UTC)
oh man non-shutting-up-brain is the BANE of adulthood. it's the worst!
Jan. 17th, 2010 09:16 am (UTC)
raising your kids? are your kidding? its the most important thing for them, that you could be doing. plese don't second guess yourself about this. daycares? they suck the big one. mom, at home, to offer the intellectual side of life and the love that kids need? you're doing it babe, and that,my friend, is the most important thing of all.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )